SHORE BA

So you might think that the mindless MTV show Jersey Shore and the NBA have nothing in common but you are going to want to re-think that. Neither have shortages of one night stands, wtf moments and ongoing feuds so here is my breakdown of two of my favorite trainwrecks.



First off, they both have a major theme in common the inmates are running the asylum. If you are a star in either entity you can now basically do whatever you want, ask for a bigger check and threaten to not show up to do your job. Sure the Shore t-shirt shop and a packed arena are much different venues but all of these people have it way too good and don't realize it.



The Situation & The Decision (LBJ)

Look both of these jagoffs decided to take their talents to South Beach. LeBron and the Sitch love to refer to themselves in the third person which is very disturbing. If you start to refer to yourself in the third person you think you are a big deal and you probably are not as big of a deal as you think you are. LeBron was happy to go to Miami and form his own version of MVP and pick off sloppy seconds from his man DWade. Situation can stoop to as low as bringing in a sandwich to one of his pals to block them from doing what he failed to do in a certain night. LeBron fails repeatedly to close out games as does the Sitch. These two are both the main attraction to their respective shows without being able to bring home the hardware to back it up. LeBron as we all know was willing to stab his own city in the back in a nationally publicized show but Sitch has tried numerous times to pull a "robbery" right in front of his so-called best mates.

Snooki & Gilbert Arenas

These two are a hot mess. Whether it is a drunken walk on the beach or a boore' game that goes horribly wrong these two are never far from trouble. Both of these "stars" (I Use that term in the loosest sense) have a wacky personality and think they are misunderstood. Gilbert had a once promising career fizzle out thanks to an injury and his distate for leaving the dinner table. Snooki can say what she wants but she is eating alot more than pickles herself. While, her "career" (Again work with me I have to call it something) is yet to totally fizzle out I would venture that if Vegas had lines on this sort of thing Snooki becoming an out of work drug addict in 5 years would have to be off the board already. While Snooki has managed to hook up with 3 members of a family tree, it is also safe to assume Gilbert has done this as well probably ten fold. Sorry Gil but your Agent Zero nickname has went from sarcastically funny to eerily foreshadowing.

Pauly D & Chris Paul

These two are facilitators. They are always willing to drop a dime or dtf friend on a roomatte. Pauly D is running the show calling cabs, selling tee shirts and organizing the all important GTL runs. CP3 is keeping his running mates happy selling his shoes and both of them are unassuming and very unselfish. However, you can see both of them could be poised to break out and leave their former friends behind. DJ Pauly D to become the next great house DJ (maybe the first? is there such thing as a good house music dj? i digress) CP3 teasing to join up with Amarelo in NY. We will just have to stay tuned.



Angelina & Eddy Curry

These two never knew how good they had it. Angelina couldn't handle the rigorous lifestyle of drinking every day hooking up with any man with a pulse and the strenuous gelato shop shift. Poor Eddy just couldn't live without buying every person who said hello to him a house and inexplicably losing some insane bet to Juwan Howard. How else can I validate a 35,000 a month payment to Juwan Howard which was layed out in a recent expense report of his. Say what you want about a college education but Juwan must have picked up something Eddy didn't in his years at Ann Arbor. I imagine both of them had the same "Oh Sh*t expression" when Eddy realized hey I am making 9 million a year and spending 11 million but now I am too fat to work. Angelina when she realized she is making 0 dollars a month realizing she just gave up 50,000 an episode to basically be her bitchy horrible self. Oh those were the days kids...

JWoww / Dwight Howard

These two you can't help but take a double take when you look at them. Both of them have all the goods to be on top. They are both more complex than what might meet the eye. Jwoww an aspriring artist (Yes not a joke http://gawker.com/#!5738120/the-lost-art-of-jwoww) Dwight Howard a devout Christian and family man. However, there is more glitz than product with these two. Jwoww may throw the occasional right hook at Sammi (can you blame her) and D Howard might throw the occasional elbow at Shaq to pretend he cares more than he does. These two just seem to be happy with who they are.

Vinny / Kevin Durant

These are the up and comers. They always have their eyes on the prize. Wouldn't you want Durant taking the game winning shot? Who else would you want on the clock with 10 minutes til last call at Karma to pull? These two are making things happen. Neither of these guys wants the limelight or the fan fare, they just want to keep on getting better at their trade. Both of these guys are loyal as can be. Durant quietly signing an extension in the non glamorous Oklahoma City, Vinny saying no matter what he would never hook up with one of Pauly's exes. Both of them are young but you can almost expect a bright future for both.




Sammie & Ronnie / Vince Carter/Winning

These pairs just flatter to deceive. How many times have you seen Vince have a 28 point night and then get fouled with a few seconds left to tie or win the game and inexplicably after throwing in fadeaways from 25 feet barely manage to scrape iron on those clutch throws. Sammie & Ronnie spend a magical day together in bed doing nothing then one badly timed smile at a random in a club and the muskets and bayonnets are out and fuhghetaboutit. Thse two think they need and want each other but the reality is the two are toxic together. It just cannot happen it is one of lifes forbidden fruits. Even though it is best for all parties to walk away they are always willing to give it one more try. Vince's teams realize this and he is traded around more than a silly band at recess. The Shore roomattes all realize this and try to keep the two apart but it is just an unholy pull that just keeps the doomed project going.



Deena / Chris Bosh

Both of them fell into a kush gig and cannot believe their luck. Do the roomattes really treat Deena as one of their own? Is Chris Bosh really part of a big 3? In the end I don't think either of them even care. They managed to convince the powers to be to let them in on this gravy train and they are going to milk it for all they can.

Oops gotta run... CABS ARE HEEEEEEEERE!!!